With great joy, I announce that today I received my first genuine spam comment on this blog. I knew it was only a matter of time before this would happen and it signals that my blog is finally coming out of its puberty.

Someone used to say that the one difference between a marketer and a spammer is the fact that the spammer is stupid enough to get caught. Alright, that someone happens to be me, but there is a bit of wisdom in there.

I may be in stark opposition with just about every authority figure out there, but I define spam in my own special way. Spam is not about automatically mass posting the same comment over and over, spam is about posting blatantly stupid and useless comments in the aforementioned manner.

So today, I will do something different. I will help spammers get better at their job. If by the end of the day, I will start receiving more creative spam, I will consider my mission accomplished, although to be honest I will still delete them. Hey! You can’t have everything.

Being Stupid and Useless in a Creative Way

- Dealing with the “Great post” syndrom

The dreaded two words which every blogger fears have become a badge for every spammer wannabe out there. They may instill dread, but what really sucks about them is that they are terribly ineffective. They do pop out every once in a while, but for every comment that makes it, there are hundreds more that rest undignified in the Akismet grave.

So how can you, the spammer wannabe, post a generic, stupid and useless comment that has a higher chance of getting through? Well, you must think outside the box (don’t worry, “think” is just a manner of speech, all that you have to do is copy/paste). If positive, giddy, stupid comments don’t work, why not try negative ones. Let’s see how that would go:

Awful post

We’re getting somewhere, but the stupidity of the comment is still wildly visible, so let’s work a bit more on it. Let’s add some substance:

Congratulations! You win the prize for the most retarded blog post on the internet. You can go and brag to your friends now.

Of course, if you go by this route, your stupid spammer status might suddenly change to stupid troll, but that’s actually an upgrade, so you’d be doing pretty well.

There is another path though, much less traveled, but way more effective.

It goes like this: Randomly quote a paragraph from the blog post or another comment then add a stupid generic comment like the one mentioned above. If you go down by this route, your comment’s quality will instantly be better than 90% of all comments left out there in the blogosphere, but unfortunately will still be stupid and useless.

Now with this knowledge, you can finally step out and spam the crap out of the blogosphere. Go on, the world is waiting.

Just stay the f*ck out from my blog.